I am part of a lost generation and I refuse to believe that I can change the world I realize this may be a shock but “Happiness comes from within.” is a lie, and “Money will make me happy.” So in 30 years I will tell my children they are not the most important thing in my life My…
I’ve been feeling like I’ve hit a barrier in my job search so far. I’ve got resume that has been retooled and redesigned by a friend who is HR for a small consulting firm, I’ve expanded and been in touch with my networks, and I’ve now put out 21 applications..and I feel like a bloody failure.
I know it’s a tough economy, and unemployment is high, and if you don’t have your Master’s people think you’re some idiot even if you’ve got more experience and done more work then the guy with the Masters who will hopefully hire you. I GET IT.. really I do.
Right now I want to be somewhere else, doing something else, enjoying someone else. I do not want to be stagnant, and just sitting here. NY, DC, Nairobi, South Africa.. Raleigh.. any of them would be better then where I am now.. waiting to hear back on things. Peace Corps was great, and I’ve been told it “looks great on your resume”, however this has translated in into ZILCH in terms of attention to my resume. I don’t even have any closing dates for when to expect a rejection letter (I’m guessing if I am lucky I will get MAYBE one interview out of the 21 jobs applied for).
I’ve got a great resume, I’ve got contacts, I can write great cover letters, and I have most of the key skills for the career path I want. What am I doing wrong?
The white woman across the aisle from me says ‘Look,
look at all the history, that house
on the hill there is over two hundred years old, ‘
as she points out the window past me
into what she has been taught. I have learned
little more about American history during my few days
back East than what I expected and far less
of what we should all know of the tribal stories
whose architecture is 15,000 years older
than the corners of the house that sits
museumed on the hill. ‘Walden Pond, ‘
the woman on the train asks, ‘Did you see Walden Pond? ‘
and I don’t have a cruel enough heart to break
her own by telling her there are five Walden Ponds
on my little reservation out West
and at least a hundred more surrounding Spokane,
the city I pretended to call my home. ‘Listen, ‘
I could have told her. ‘I don’t give a shit
about Walden. I know the Indians were living stories
around that pond before Walden’s grandparents were born
and before his grandparents’ grandparents were born.
I’m tired of hearing about Don-fucking-Henley saving it, too,
because that’s redundant. If Don Henley’s brothers and sisters
and mothers and father hadn’t come here in the first place
then nothing would need to be saved.’
But I didn’t say a word to the woman about Walden
Pond because she smiled so much and seemed delighted
that I thought to bring her an orange juice
back from the food car. I respect elders
of every color. All I really did was eat
my tasteless sandwich, drink my Diet Pepsi
and nod my head whenever the woman pointed out
another little piece of her country’s history
while I, as all Indians have done
since this war began, made plans
for what I would do and say the next time
somebody from the enemy thought I was one of their own.
I’ve started to notice that a few of my followers on Tumblr post about drinking, or not drinking. Some seem to have a drinking problem, others teetotal, some are in between. I wonder sometimes whether to talk to any of them about drinking.
I am one of the in the middle people. I’ve been drunk.. it wasn’t pleasant. I find drunk people extremely annoying and don’t like going to bars usually unless it’s not crowded and I’m with friends. I get a bit agoraphobic actually. I come from a family where relatives of mine have battled alcoholism. My mother is an Adult Child Of An Alcoholic. I’ve also seen booze ruin the career aspirations of at least 2 people I cared about.
That being said, moderate drinking is perfectly fine IMHO, and I enjoy a good beer or wine or mixed drink every now and then. I probably drink a beer or two a week or 2 Glasses of wine in a sitting. Mixed drinks were something I drank more of in South Africa, where drinking socially and to excess was extremely common. I drank more then I would have wanted in South Africa, and I think that is one reason I have cut back to my normal levels here in America. Knowing my family history, it’s probably for the better.
I don’t want to piss off people who are Tumblr friends.. but I want to offer a word of caution: Do not let your defining feature be your relationship with Alcohol-It’s a dance that is often deadly, it will make you feel hollow, and it will not fix anything that is broken. Trying to fix things with a quick swig is like trying to apply a tattoo with a carving knife.. it’s messy, extremely pain-inducing, and it doesn’t work very well. Define yourself by what you do as a human being that brings light, value, and joy. Define yourself by things that aren’t toxic, tempting, glamorous, sedating..Allow yourself to feel, and enjoy without the aid of things outside of yourself, because those things were never really a part of the real you anyway.
A Cherokee elder was teaching his children about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to them. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”
The grandchildren thought about it and after a minute one of them asked, “Which wolf will win?”
The gospels, and sometimes the epistles, are pretty revolutionary. They propose a revolution of about 180 degrees. Christ was quite explicit, for instance, about his pacifism. You can’t be more explicit than “Love your enemies.” He did run those people out of the temple, but he didn’t kill them.
People are always talking about the first church. The real first church was that gaggle of people who followed Jesus around. We don’t know anything about them. But he apparently didn’t ask them what creed they subscribed to, or what their sexual preference was, or any of that. He fed them. He healed them. He forgave them. He is clear about sin, but he was also for forgiveness.
Any religion has to have a practice. When you let it go so far from practice that it just becomes a matter of talk, something bad happens. If you don’t have an economic practice, you don’t have a practice. Christians conventionally think they’ve done enough when they’ve gone to the store and shopped. But that isn’t an economic life. If you take seriously those passages in the scripture that say that we live by God’s spirit and breath, that we live, move and have our being in God, the implications for the present economy are just devastating. Those passages call for an entirely generous and careful encomic life.
We’re a pretty bad species in a lot of ways and in other ways a pretty good one. We can become a warrior civilization and live by piracy; on the other hand, we’re capable of lovingkindness, of genuine affection, of generosity, of friendship, of peaceability, of forgiveness and gratitude…. The serious question is whether you’re going to become a warrior community and live by piracy, by taking what you need from other people.
I think the only antidote to that is imagination. You have to develop your imagination to the point that permits sympathy to happen. You have to be able to imagine lives that are not yours or the lives of your loved ones or the lives of your neighbors. You have to have at least enough imagination to understand that if you want the benefits of compassion, you must be compassionate. If you want forgiveness you must be forgiving.
One of my hidden talents, or not so hidden to some people, is that I am a songwriter. I record under the name “Rusticalia” and have put out a lot of free “albums” of my stuff online. If you ever want to find my stuff, let me know and I will link you to the free albums.
Right now, I’d love a job offer. I’ve come back from Africa and put in at least 19 applications and so far all is quiet, though some still have time to get back to me. It’s a rough economy out there and Stability is really what I want. When you are unemployed, it’s damn hard to feel stable.
If I’m not doing something productive, I stagnate, and it’s not a pretty picture.
I also had my picture taken before I came and trainees that didn't had theirs taken by PC in Moldova. My legitimatie is only valid for two years though and I have to apply for a new one before mine expires in August. I find myself redoing a lot of things in order to stay a third year.
That’s really interesting.. I know of only 2 people and one couple who decided to stay on in South Africa.. They are doing Peace Corps Response instead of a third year.
“Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to turn a problem into an opportunity for success. Always be on the lookout for ways to nurture your dream.”—Lao Tzu
It’s amazing all these random possibilities that may take my career in interesting directions. One person may get me meetings with Save The Children and ActionAid. Another apparently knows of possible work in Rwanda. I also have apps out for DC, NYC, Atlanta, and Raleigh. I’ve put out 20 resumes since being back only THREE WEEKS. I know I want to do development work in some capacity. Where God places me in that context? That has yet to be seen.
So, I’d love to answer whatever questions you guys have for me, but many of you seem to think I don’t have a Ask Me Anything button. I DO-It’s under the description, on the right hand side of my Tumblr. Scroll down and you’ll find it.. though I admit it’s a bit small text-wise.
A friend of the family who is a Yale prof and well connected is going to help me make a connection with ActionAid and Save the Children as well as Global Integrity(South Africa). It may not lead to anywhere, but it’s a chance I’m willing to take. I’d LOVE to work for ActionAid, as they are working in Ethiopia and it would be incredibly rewarding to work there. My brother thinks Save the Children is a bit dubious and while I will admit that they do seem to have annoying practices like no privacy clause for donor info, they still do good work and have better management then they had in the 80’s.
Global Integrity is focused on good governance and corruption and they are opening an office in Cape Town( I LOVED Cape Town) so we’ll see about that. For now they are only hiring people with South African work permits on their site, but opening a new office means they will need a LOT of staff, so you never know.
I dunno.. I just need to get the hell out of Connecticut.
“All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all?”—Beautiful Things-Gungor
What makes you think that it wont grow back
in a day or two…
husbands and winter
they know the truth
but what can they do
I don’t like girls the way they are
so shave their legs and make them look like movie stars
and then we can pretend its natural
Put on whatever makes you attractive
if it’s not you, then do it for the sake of fashion.
Your friends like a certain you,
that’s who you’ve got to be.
Junior high legs
blonde hair gone brown
from removing it.
Waxing since thirteen
wisdom from a beauty queen
her tiara diggin’ deep in her head…
I’m starting to think, that I’m kinda shy
or at least I’d like to be.
Winter legs give me heart attacks
so take it off with laser
so it never comes back.
And then we can pretend its natural.
”—When They Really Get To Know You They’ll Run -Pedro The Lion