SuitcaseSuitcase

I am trying out 2 dating apps and will be updating my experiences. Stay tuned! If you have any free ones you think I should try let me know. So far I am testing out Skout and ChristianDating.

I’ve come to realize that there is a disconnect between what I feel and what reality says. Emotions tell me I have been abandoned and forgotten, reality tells me otherwise.

I think I’ll choose reality.

I’ve been feeling like I’ve hit a barrier in my job search so far. I’ve got resume that has been retooled and redesigned by a friend who is HR for a small consulting firm, I’ve expanded and been in touch with my networks, and I’ve now put out 21 applications..and I feel like a bloody failure.

I know it’s a tough economy, and unemployment is high, and if you don’t have your Master’s people think you’re some idiot even if you’ve got more experience and done more work then the guy with the Masters who will hopefully hire you. I GET IT.. really I do.

Right now I want to be somewhere else, doing something else, enjoying someone else. I do not want to be stagnant, and just sitting here. NY, DC, Nairobi, South Africa.. Raleigh.. any of them would be better then where I am now.. waiting to hear back on things. Peace Corps was great, and I’ve been told it “looks great on your resume”, however this has translated in into ZILCH in terms of attention to my resume. I don’t even have any closing dates for when to expect a rejection letter (I’m guessing if I am lucky I will get MAYBE one interview out of the 21 jobs applied for).

I’ve got a great resume, I’ve got contacts, I can write great cover letters, and I have most of the key skills for the career path I want. What am I doing wrong?

I’ve started to notice that a few of my followers on Tumblr post about drinking, or not drinking. Some seem to have a drinking problem, others teetotal, some are in between. I wonder sometimes whether to talk to any of them about drinking.

I am one of the in the middle people. I’ve been drunk.. it wasn’t pleasant. I find drunk people extremely annoying and don’t like going to bars usually unless it’s not crowded and I’m with friends. I get a bit agoraphobic actually. I come from a family where relatives of mine have battled alcoholism. My mother is an Adult Child Of An Alcoholic. I’ve also seen booze ruin the career aspirations of at least 2 people I cared about.

That being said, moderate drinking is perfectly fine IMHO, and I enjoy a good beer or wine or mixed drink every now and then. I probably drink a beer or two a week or 2 Glasses of wine in a sitting. Mixed drinks were something I drank more of in South Africa, where drinking socially and to excess was extremely common. I drank more then I would have wanted in South Africa, and I think that is one reason I have cut back to my normal levels here in America. Knowing my family history, it’s probably for the better.

I don’t want to piss off people who are Tumblr friends.. but I want to offer a word of caution: Do not let your defining feature be your relationship with Alcohol-It’s a dance that is often deadly, it will make you feel hollow, and it will not fix anything that is broken. Trying to fix things with a quick swig is like trying to apply a tattoo with a carving knife.. it’s messy, extremely pain-inducing, and it doesn’t work very well. Define yourself by what you do as a human being that brings light, value, and joy. Define yourself by things that aren’t toxic, tempting, glamorous, sedating..Allow yourself to feel, and enjoy without the aid of things outside of yourself, because those things were never really a part of the real you anyway.